You must crave pure spiritual milk so that you can grow into the fullness of your salvation. Cry out for this nourishment as a baby crieds for milk, now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness.

1 Peter 2:2-3

I crave spiritual milk. I want my relationship with God to grow. There are times when I sit and wonder what my personal relationship with him will look like in 40 years. The same way many wonder on their wedding day what their relationship will be like on thier 50th wedding anniversary. We so often look for someone to share our lives with that we can see ourselves growing old with. This is the same with Jesus. How much more can I learn? How much more can he teach me? I can't wait at times to sit on a rocking chair on my porch in my 80's and look back and see how far my faith has come. Will I still struggle with the same issues? Will there be more? I want to know how I will grow and love and mature...

Knocking

I want so badly for God to take control of certain areas of my life. I yearn for him to direct me in some relationships, some aspects of my life. I give them freely over to him. I even beg him to take control. I realized yesterday I don't do this with every area. Is he not my God in every part of my life? Should I not let him have control over all things? Some things I don't even thing to bring to him or to ask him to help me with. Big things. I let myself become overwhelmed and feel helpless. It's so strange to me. Such a sign of weakness in my spiritual life. I need to let him into every area. I need to trust him with my life not just the little parts I don't want to deal with anymore. He is able and willing to take it all. I don't know why it has to be such a struggle for me to just ask him to take it? He wants to take my pain. I'm not supposed to be in control. I wish it wasn't so hard for me to just give it all over and ask him to take over everything. It's scary though. Letting go certainly isn't what we are taught today to do. We are taught as women to take on more, that we are equal, there is nothing we cannot do. 
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in" Rev. 3:20

He's there waiting, asking...

"His word my hope secures". We sang amazing grace last night in church. That phrase stuck out at me. I've been praying over it and constantly thinking about it since. It's a good feeling.